From: Falaxy
Date: Sat, Jul 10, 2010 at 3:01 PM
Subject: i love u, forever
To: Vicky
i thought i would be ok now, but the tears have come back tonight...
i'm not telling you because i want you to sympathize with me.... crying will make me deal with this better (plus, i also cannot stop these damn tears), you said u dont want me to cry... but u dont have to say that... i dont expect u to say anything....
what's wrong with crying anyway? thats something i have yet to understand, i really dont get it, its just an expression of emotion like any other... it may not make the world a happier place like smiling, but it causes no harm like expression of anger either... right? but why am i discussing crying?
dont worry about me, if you are, i may look like a harmless fuffly hippo, (yes, i deliberately wrote 'fuffly'-inside joke) but i'm tough! ... then why is this is so difficult?
the problem is i see you everywhere and in everything...
especially when facebook suggests that i add shahid khan as a friend! :p
whenever i so much as pass by my livingroom, i see you, i see "us" (was there ever an "us"?)... talking, laughing, sharing silence while your head rests in my lap...
when i am on my bed, it reminds me of our closeness, both physical and emotional... thank you for those magical moments... i will cherish them forever...
when i look out the window, i wont see you walking towards me.... the last time you were here i was secretly watching you from the window, you "casually" looked up at my window, it made me smile : )
whenever i make daal chawal, i will think of you... havent been able to make it since i made it for you...
whenever i cant reach that purple bowl high up on my kitchen shelf.... i will wish i could call you again to get it for me...
whenever i get a text message on my cellphone, i will secretly always wish that its from you...
there are so many things... kaar-e-foor, internet slang at its best (read "worst"), addu teddy, telegu songs, even persil abaya shampoo and the science behind it!
i wonder if you will also ever think of me once in a while....
i will, very often...
Thank you, for the memories, for the laughs, for coming to Paris just to be with me, it made me feel special... thank you for everything...
i probably wont send you this email... maybe on the 9th...
i cant talk to u right now, so i'm writing this pointless email... did i have a point? i forget...
my thoughts are all jumbled up right now... and these damn tears arent making it any easier...
lol, isnt it ironic that after all these years, the only chance we had to really be together was when its time for it all to end? maybe thats a good thing... if this had happened before i had Michelle, i might have contemplated doing some pretty stupid things, not that i havent thought about it these past couple of months, but i would have had the courage to actually go through with it then!
i cant believe you will not be a part of my life anymore, actually thats not true, you are and always will be an important part of my life... but you know what i mean...
even between the long silences where we didnt text or email each other for months, i always had this comfort in knowing that i can reach you somehow when i wanted to... and that you will reply...
that comfort will be gone, and its leaving behind a void in me that will always be there...
pls dont get me wrong, i want you to be happy, and i am happy for you too, all this crying makes me feel like i am being selfish, i hope you dont think i am... because i am really not...
like you said, its not easy to lose someone you love,
and i love you Vicky,
forever...
P.S. Sorry about the lens cover! i guess u'll never know if i ever find it...
.........................................................
From: Vicky
Date: Sat, Jul 10, 2010 at 3:15 PM
Subject: Re: i love u, forever
To: Falaxy
it makes me wanna cry. its unfortunate that i have to let go of someone who loves me so unselfishly.
who always thought that i was not in love with her and still loved me whole-heartedly.
daal chawal will never taste the same and it will be difficult to get pizza home delivered.
i wish i could have a baby with you but it doesnt mean that i dont think of Michelle as my own. There is an unbelievable bonding which is very obvious.
Being with you, however brief it was, will always be the best memory of my life.
Its unfortunate that i cant even keep this mail with me to read it again and again.
you take care of yourself falaxy... fuffly hippo... januuzzzzz or whatever your name is. even if your name was nouna nun i would still be so crazy about you.
you were in a hurry to get married. as i said earlier too, this time i was a little late. Next time i will come before him and then i will see how you marry him.
falaxy... i love you.
Date: Sat, Jul 10, 2010 at 3:01 PM
Subject: i love u, forever
To: Vicky
i thought i would be ok now, but the tears have come back tonight...
i'm not telling you because i want you to sympathize with me.... crying will make me deal with this better (plus, i also cannot stop these damn tears), you said u dont want me to cry... but u dont have to say that... i dont expect u to say anything....
what's wrong with crying anyway? thats something i have yet to understand, i really dont get it, its just an expression of emotion like any other... it may not make the world a happier place like smiling, but it causes no harm like expression of anger either... right? but why am i discussing crying?
dont worry about me, if you are, i may look like a harmless fuffly hippo, (yes, i deliberately wrote 'fuffly'-inside joke) but i'm tough! ... then why is this is so difficult?
the problem is i see you everywhere and in everything...
especially when facebook suggests that i add shahid khan as a friend! :p
whenever i so much as pass by my livingroom, i see you, i see "us" (was there ever an "us"?)... talking, laughing, sharing silence while your head rests in my lap...
when i am on my bed, it reminds me of our closeness, both physical and emotional... thank you for those magical moments... i will cherish them forever...
when i look out the window, i wont see you walking towards me.... the last time you were here i was secretly watching you from the window, you "casually" looked up at my window, it made me smile : )
whenever i make daal chawal, i will think of you... havent been able to make it since i made it for you...
whenever i cant reach that purple bowl high up on my kitchen shelf.... i will wish i could call you again to get it for me...
whenever i get a text message on my cellphone, i will secretly always wish that its from you...
there are so many things... kaar-e-foor, internet slang at its best (read "worst"), addu teddy, telegu songs, even persil abaya shampoo and the science behind it!
i wonder if you will also ever think of me once in a while....
i will, very often...
Thank you, for the memories, for the laughs, for coming to Paris just to be with me, it made me feel special... thank you for everything...
i probably wont send you this email... maybe on the 9th...
i cant talk to u right now, so i'm writing this pointless email... did i have a point? i forget...
my thoughts are all jumbled up right now... and these damn tears arent making it any easier...
lol, isnt it ironic that after all these years, the only chance we had to really be together was when its time for it all to end? maybe thats a good thing... if this had happened before i had Michelle, i might have contemplated doing some pretty stupid things, not that i havent thought about it these past couple of months, but i would have had the courage to actually go through with it then!
i cant believe you will not be a part of my life anymore, actually thats not true, you are and always will be an important part of my life... but you know what i mean...
even between the long silences where we didnt text or email each other for months, i always had this comfort in knowing that i can reach you somehow when i wanted to... and that you will reply...
that comfort will be gone, and its leaving behind a void in me that will always be there...
pls dont get me wrong, i want you to be happy, and i am happy for you too, all this crying makes me feel like i am being selfish, i hope you dont think i am... because i am really not...
like you said, its not easy to lose someone you love,
and i love you Vicky,
forever...
P.S. Sorry about the lens cover! i guess u'll never know if i ever find it...
.........................................................
From: Vicky
Date: Sat, Jul 10, 2010 at 3:15 PM
Subject: Re: i love u, forever
To: Falaxy
it makes me wanna cry. its unfortunate that i have to let go of someone who loves me so unselfishly.
who always thought that i was not in love with her and still loved me whole-heartedly.
daal chawal will never taste the same and it will be difficult to get pizza home delivered.
i wish i could have a baby with you but it doesnt mean that i dont think of Michelle as my own. There is an unbelievable bonding which is very obvious.
Being with you, however brief it was, will always be the best memory of my life.
Its unfortunate that i cant even keep this mail with me to read it again and again.
you take care of yourself falaxy... fuffly hippo... januuzzzzz or whatever your name is. even if your name was nouna nun i would still be so crazy about you.
you were in a hurry to get married. as i said earlier too, this time i was a little late. Next time i will come before him and then i will see how you marry him.
falaxy... i love you.
.........................................................
(Names and Details changed to protect privacy)
